Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
