i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
