Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Come on in and take your pants off
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