I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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