i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
