I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
