Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
this beer tastes like vomit already
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
