operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
