Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
