He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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