Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
