ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
