It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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