We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
