Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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