OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
