I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
