the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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