Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Life is so much better after having sex.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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