just survived the first fart of the relationship.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
