what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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