I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
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