yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Fuck appropriateness.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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