How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
