Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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