apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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