Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
