Moan for me like Helen Keller
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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