Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
