Just fell off a train. Bad.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
