i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
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