babies were throwing up all over the place
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
false alarm, still single
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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