You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
someone threw a dead crab at me
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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