i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Randomize
