If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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