I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
