Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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