my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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