I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
