I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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