:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
