so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
