I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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