If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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