i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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