What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
