i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
