ya dads aren't the best wingmen
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
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