if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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