I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
