Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
