I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
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