so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
