its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
