What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
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