I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
