Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
