her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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