Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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