Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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