My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
