I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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