Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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